I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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