highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
