Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
