Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
