we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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