Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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