I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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