why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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