That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
