my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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