i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
