I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
