I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
