so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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