I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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