She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
