I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
