Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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