State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
