I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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