Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
