life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
