something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
