I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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