u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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