tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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