Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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