i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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