I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
