This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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