Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
