I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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