I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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