so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
