This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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