When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
