let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
