Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
