youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
