My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
