she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
