She said her name was "party"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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