at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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