I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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