I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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