This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
