I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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