i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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