There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want her autograph on my taint
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
