What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
