Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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