sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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