she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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