i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
