yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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