thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i've created a new STD.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
