i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
