I am puke
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
