i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
