I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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