My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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