What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
