he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
