pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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