Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize