watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drunk is a universal language darling
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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