I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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