Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize