I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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