im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
