We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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