We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
