WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
