You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
