My liver just broke up with me...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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