so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
