So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
