wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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